Chipotle v. Qdoba: a battle of burritos

Chipotle is the American Horror Story of burrito joints–it hits all the popular characteristics but it lacks real content.

Honestly, to hell with your fresh, “quality” ingredients. If I honestly cared about where my food came from, I would not be stacking and eating a Hot ‘n’ Spicy McChicken on top of a double cheeseburger like an actual trash human. If people actually wanted to pay more money for marginally better quality ingredients, our Albertson’s would not have become whatever a “Ridley’s” is.

To be honest, I should not even have to continue writing past this–the point is that Chipotle is expensive and we are broke college kids. But really, I just want to tear Chipotle a new one.

Speaking of tearing somebody a new one–Qdoba does not have the diarrheic reputation that Chipotle has. You will not be seeing Qdoba being made fun of on South Park like Chipotle. Apparently those “fresh” ingredients are not quite as fresh while they move through your digestive tract. But I digress.

Like any normal, sensible person, I love queso and I treasure guacamole. So, why on earth would any sane person want to eat somewhere that does not have queso and forces you to pay two entire dollars for a tablespoon of guacamole. Do I look like some big business fat cat venture capitalist? No, I am a normal person like you that thinks Chipotle is a waste of money.

That is not to say that Chipotle is devoid of any and all quality. For instance, their salads are actually pretty good. I am big enough to admit that Chipotle’s chipotle-honey vinaigrette is infinitely better than Qdoba’s picante ranch dressing. But, Qdoba makes up for that with their delicious, perfectly crispy taco salad shell. Plus, when your salad comes with free guac and queso, how could you honestly yearn for vinaigrette?

I get it, Chipotle is the original burrito palace. At its core, Qdoba does not really do anything super unique with its food, despite what they try to make you think with their Mexican gumbo and their new knockout tacos. But they give you options. They give you freedom. They give you queso for God’s sake.

You heard me right, Qdoba represents everything our country stands for. Qdoba is not about giving you fresher ingredients, it is about cutting costs and tasting better. Maybe if I was some sort of upstart millionaire, I would care more for Chipotle, but I am not. I am just a normal guy. That is what Qdoba is meant for–normal people like you and me.

We do not have to respect the burrito barons at Chipotle just because they were here first. Not when we have Qdoba. Maybe before Qdoba, we lived in a Terminator-esque burrito wasteland. This is no longer the case my friends. John Connor is here to lead us to victory. Our salvation has arrived and its name is Qdoba!

Ladies and gentleman, now is the time to seize the day. Head down to your nearest Qdoba and get yourself some of their quintessential queso! Mmm, that is the taste of freedom.

If ever I find myself craving a fast food burrito from a national chain, I will gladly drive an hour to the nearest Chipotle so that I don’t have to settle for Qdoba.

The reason that anybody should prefer Chipotle to Qdoba is the same reason they should prefer In-N-Out to McDonald’s. It’s about simple, elegant (yes I did just use the word elegant) fast food made with high-quality ingredients.

The simplicity is a feature of the menu, of course, not necessarily of the burrito you end up with at the end. Whether you go to Chipotle or Qdoba you have the opportunity to construct a burrito as wildly over-engineered as your heart desires. The difference is that Chipotle’s menu is relatively free of extraneous items, and as we know, constraints are key to creativity.

For example, the tortilla soup they sell at Qdoba has no reason to be on the menu. I have never seen anyone (besides myself) order a bowl of Mexican gumbo from Qdoba, and even then it was only because I wanted to avoid the inevitable disappointment of biting into a Qdoba burrito. Mexican gumbo is to Qdoba as Filet O Fish is to McDonalds.

Chipotle does not bother trying to distract you from their star menu item because it is actually good. They are equally confident about the quality of their burrito-filling ingredients, and so they keep the options limited. When I order a chicken burrito at Qdoba, I always get asked ‘which kind?’ Having two kinds of chicken on the menu only confuses people, just pick the best one and put THAT on the menu.

One of the biggest points I hear for Qdoba in these debates is that they have queso. That doesn’t impress me. Americans are obsessed with cheese sauce and it disgusts me. For one, cheese is meant to be solid at room temperature; you have to do unnatural things to perfectly good cheese in order to make it liquid. For two, the queso is not even good queso; it’s comparable to Tostito’s jarred cheese dip.

This brings me to a broader point about the superior quality of Chipotle’s ingredients. Chipotle restaurants only use locally sourced produce, ensuring that your salsa, guacamole and fajita veggies consistently taste fresher. Their beans are organically grown and their chicken, pork and beef are all antibiotic and hormone free. For some people, these might represent reasons to prefer Chipotle on ethical grounds, but I just think it tastes better.

Price might be a sticking point, however, for the broke college students that constitute the majority of my audience. My first response is that the price difference is negligible. Yeah, I get it, two dollars is a lot of money to pay for guacamole. How about just not ordering guacamole? Otherwise, you will spend comparable amounts of money for a burrito at both restaurants.

Finally, you get what you pay for. Not only am I willing to spend more money at the restaurant for a burrito filled with higher quality ingredients, but I will spend the extra money for gas and dedicate a whole afternoon to drive to Fort Collins or Cheyenne to get Chipotle instead of Qdoba. Sacrifice for quality, get the original cafeteria-style fast food burrito from Chipotle.